What's Normal?

I've been thinking recently about something that is probably obvious, once we think about it, but it's not something we would normally think about. It's about what is "normal" for me, or for you.

That word "normal" has the word "norm" in it. It means simply something that conforms to a norm, something that is a rule or a principle. As I write this blog, a style setting for the text I'm writing right now has "Normal" as one option. In this case "Normal" is the standard setting, the other settings are special settings. So, "normal" is whatever is usual and standard. It's not something that deviates from the rules, and/or it's something that's needed, except for special circumstances.

So what does it mean to be a "normal" person? And just as importantly: what does it mean to be the normal you or the normal me?

We Learn "Normal" from our Past

What seems normal to us has everything to do with how we grew up, what people around us said about others and about us. Whenever someone does not act according to our norms, they feel strange to us--abnormal.

What I want to get to however, is that our inner life, our thoughts, how we see and understand ourselves are often ruled by an unspoken set of rules and expectations (what's "normal" to us). For some folks the feeling of abandonment, loneliness, worthlessness, anxiety, suspicion, and an entire set of other emotions are what are "normal" for them. If someone grew up in a home where performance dictated acceptance, then doing-things-to-get-accepted rules their inner and probably external lives. If someone grew up in an abusive home, then high walls of self-protection, and/or a desperately low self-esteem is "normal" for them. If someone grew up in a disconnected home, where you were basically on your own most of the time, abandonment and loneliness may be "normal" for you. And so forth.

I just wonder how many folks believe they're perfectly normal, when they're living in a constant state of personal misery. They simply don't know anything else. Like people who live by a busy highway learn to tune out traffic noise, the constant noise of inner anguish becomes just "white noise" in the background of their lives. They are completely unaware that the forces that drive their behavior are rooted in inner poisons--the toxic products of their inner unhealth. I wonder how many of my behaviors are driven that way.

Sometimes people's behaviors baffle me. Sometimes my own behavior baffles me. I guess Paul had the same issue (see Romans 7:15, e.g.). This is what leads me to today's blog. I see too much of people doing their best and yet simply not making it, all the while bewildered as to why. For some it's doing grand things that still don't get them the recognition they crave, for others it's avoiding or denying their own pain, or the pain of others around them, for others it's confusion about why people seem to even like them at all, for still others it's hurt when anyone doesn't seem to like them a lot. Some are by nature pessimistic, others are always optimistic - and they often drive each other crazy!

Among Christian people, there are some for whom being a sinner is not merely an adjective, but a description of what's "normal" for them. For other Christians being a saint is more than an adjective and describes what's "normal" for them. And the two types are very suspicious of each other!

I'm just wondering today about how normal "normal" really is. I'm pretty convinced that my "normal" isn't yours, and yours isn't mine. If we were somehow able to average out "normal" for all people, would that even be normal?

What if We Found a New "Normal"?

What if I consider my inner loneliness to be abnormal? What if I consider my inner anxiety to be abnormal? What if I consider my inner desperation for recognition to be abnormal? What if I consider my incessant optimism/pessimism to be abnormal? What if I decide my inner life, as a believer in Christ whose mind has been transformed and renewed (Romans 12:2), is not supposed to work like the mind I grew up with?

It's no secret that the word translated "repent" in the New Testament (μετάνοια, metanoia), means to change one's mind--perhaps better: to change the way we think. Jesus said that our behavior comes out of our hearts (our inner being, which includes our thought-life). If we change the way we think, if we can change our inner "normal" to something more Christ-like, to something that conforms more to the Holy Spirit within us, and less to our "normal" (see Romans 8:5), our entire lives will change from the inside out.

If I think I'm "normal," I don't think I need to change. Right? However, if we define "normal" as having the mind of Christ (1Corinthians 2:16), then we need to check how our way of thinking lines up with how Christ thinks. We have to decide that if one of us is different, which one of us needs to change. If Christ's thinking is the new norm, and I don't think like Him, then I'm the abnormal one, and I need to change the way I think.

If we want to know how Jesus thinks, we need to read the Gospels. While I'm not Jesus and don't have the same calling He did (I'm not supposed to die for the sins of the world, for example), I am God's son and have a calling to which I want to be faithful--and so do you, sons and daughters of the Most High! What characterizes Jesus, if not compassion, love, a desire to do the Father's will, much time in prayer, an uncompromising approach to false religion, patience with sinners and other "outsiders," a commitment to fulfill His calling, and much, much more.

Jesus was completely confident about who He was: "God's Son in Whom He is well pleased." He knew that nothing could change that. He didn't seek, nor need recognition because He already had His Father's recognition (before His first sermon, or first miracle, we should notice). He didn't seem hurt when others didn't like Him, nor sucked in to become a crowd-pleaser when they did. He was optimistic about humble people, and pessimistic about the powerful. He never denied His pain, nor even His anxiety (a debatable assumption, I'll grant), pouring out sweat like blood in Gethsemane, yet was not controlled by His anxiety as He yielded to His Father completely. He was completely humble (see also Philippians 2:5-8). This paragraph could obviously, go on, and on, and on, and...

Give Me the Mind of Christ

I don't know about you, but I want my thoughts to be more like Christ's thoughts.

Father, I want my innermost thoughts to be more and more like Jesus' innermost thoughts. I want to think more like He thinks. I want what is "normal" in me to be more like what is normal in Jesus.
Change my way of thinking, by the power of your Spirit within me, so that I begin to think your thoughts after You. Give me the mind of Christ. Change my way of thinking so that Your thoughts become my thoughts and Your ways become my ways.
For the glory of Jesus. Amen.

Can We Listen?

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19, NIV).

What if our discussions on politics and social issues were governed by the simple rule above?

I'm not saying don't believe what we believe about God and what the Bible says about certain things. Obviously, certain things are plainly wrong and unacceptable. However, even if certain behaviors are simply wrong, the people who do those things are still people who need the love of Jesus, and therefore mine too. Right?

Listening in Politics?

What I'm saying is that in this season of "I can't believe anyone can support Trump," and "I can't believe anyone can support Hillary," what we're not seeing is people listening to those they disagree with. I mean really listening.

Maybe we don't want to listen because we've already decided they're idiots. Maybe, but if so, that's a pretty dumb decision.

I don't know which one of those two would make a better president. Frankly, at this point I don't think either of them would make a good one. I hope I'm wrong about that. I'm still not sure I can vote for either with a clear conscience. I wish I could register my abstention. 

What I hear from Trump supporters is how sick and tired people are with politics as usual. For whatever else you might say about him, Trump is not "politics as usual." He is a strong leader with the potential to get something done in a town that can't seem to. What I hear from Hillary supporters is the importance of taking care of the less fortunate, including immigrant children, the poor, those with inadequate access to health care. Whatever else you might say about Hillary she is campaigning for those noble causes.

Already you may be stoking up your arguments against either Trump or Hillary, since I have the audacity to say something positive about both of them. Some may object to my stance of being in a moral quandary, assuming that doing so will be a de facto vote for Trump, or Hillary (whichever you think is mostly likely to win without my vote). I can almost hear the "Yeah...but...'s" coming. Here's my question though: do you know why people disagree with you on this? Have you listened to them?

We all have to take into consideration the possibility that some of the people who disagree with us do so for very good, and very commendable reasons - even if we still disagree with them!

Let's just stop doing the mud-slinging, fact twisting, truth spinning we so abhor when the candidates do it, shall we? At least that. At least.

Listening in Social Issues?

When it comes to racism and policing, why are so many so ready to jump on the band wagon of which lives matter more? I suppose that if the movement were called "Black Lives Matter Too" it would take the wind out of a lot of sails. However, I suspect that the reason so many don't want to hear the complaints of those in the Black Lives Matter movement is that they are already convinced that there isn't a problem, or if there is, it's just a problem of just a few individuals. 

What's weird though is that the same folks who would blame racial policing on a few bad police officers are quite quick to tar the whole Black Lives Matter movement with the actions of a few. A little excess on the side of police, or the protesters and your own movement has all the justification it needs. But then, when did people ever act consistently?

I don't personally have the broadest access to data that would give me a reliable impression about whether racism is a real thing in police shootings. Some data says "Yes." Some data says "No," and what I know about statistical analysis is that with a little figuring you can usually make statistics say whatever you already decide your the truth is. 

What I do know about racism I don't know by being a racial minority. I only know what I know from listening to people who do have the experience of being a racial minority in our country. What I've heard isn't pretty. I can't tell you whether it's an experience clouded by just a few bad experiences with a projected fear that goes beyond reality, or whether there actually is a systemic and unseen (by those in the racial majority) bias. That bias may be a subtle as preferring and feeling safer with people who seem more like me. Even that subtle bias, which we may not even be conscious of, can have enormous consequences, I suspect. And this is a part of what folks of color have told me. 

Treat All People Like People (not Like Issues)

We fear what we don't know, or understand; that's a normal human reaction. What we don't know or understand in a stressful situation often feels infinite. There are no boundaries on it.  Fear builds walls, and can even project evil intent on others. Sometimes those fears are well-founded, and when they are our strategies for self-protection are reinforced.So it's easier to lump people together, create a caricature of them, and reject the whole lot. But they are people.

Now, I don't believe that if we could just all sit down and talk all our problems would go away. I've been around enough blocks to know that such a perspective is just naive. But I also know that when we decide to not even try to talk, we have pretty much decided that we don't need to know any more than we already do. We have decided we don't want our "truth" clouded with facts. We've already decided that people who believe X, or support Y, or do Z are gullible, foolish and/or  evil and have nothing to offer us.

"...clothe yourselves with humility toward one another because, 'God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble'" (1Peter 5:5).

That individual with the sign in their yard that supports the "other" candidate is a person. The one carrying the protest sign in the parade is a person. The cop making a traffic stop is a person. That strange looking one, who dresses weird, or has a thick accent, is a person. 

Maybe they need Jesus, if so, you may be the one through whom they first meet Him. Maybe they already know Jesus, in which case you're looking at your sister or your brother.