What's Normal?

I've been thinking recently about something that is probably obvious, once we think about it, but it's not something we would normally think about. It's about what is "normal" for me, or for you.

That word "normal" has the word "norm" in it. It means simply something that conforms to a norm, something that is a rule or a principle. As I write this blog, a style setting for the text I'm writing right now has "Normal" as one option. In this case "Normal" is the standard setting, the other settings are special settings. So, "normal" is whatever is usual and standard. It's not something that deviates from the rules, and/or it's something that's needed, except for special circumstances.

So what does it mean to be a "normal" person? And just as importantly: what does it mean to be the normal you or the normal me?

We Learn "Normal" from our Past

What seems normal to us has everything to do with how we grew up, what people around us said about others and about us. Whenever someone does not act according to our norms, they feel strange to us--abnormal.

What I want to get to however, is that our inner life, our thoughts, how we see and understand ourselves are often ruled by an unspoken set of rules and expectations (what's "normal" to us). For some folks the feeling of abandonment, loneliness, worthlessness, anxiety, suspicion, and an entire set of other emotions are what are "normal" for them. If someone grew up in a home where performance dictated acceptance, then doing-things-to-get-accepted rules their inner and probably external lives. If someone grew up in an abusive home, then high walls of self-protection, and/or a desperately low self-esteem is "normal" for them. If someone grew up in a disconnected home, where you were basically on your own most of the time, abandonment and loneliness may be "normal" for you. And so forth.

I just wonder how many folks believe they're perfectly normal, when they're living in a constant state of personal misery. They simply don't know anything else. Like people who live by a busy highway learn to tune out traffic noise, the constant noise of inner anguish becomes just "white noise" in the background of their lives. They are completely unaware that the forces that drive their behavior are rooted in inner poisons--the toxic products of their inner unhealth. I wonder how many of my behaviors are driven that way.

Sometimes people's behaviors baffle me. Sometimes my own behavior baffles me. I guess Paul had the same issue (see Romans 7:15, e.g.). This is what leads me to today's blog. I see too much of people doing their best and yet simply not making it, all the while bewildered as to why. For some it's doing grand things that still don't get them the recognition they crave, for others it's avoiding or denying their own pain, or the pain of others around them, for others it's confusion about why people seem to even like them at all, for still others it's hurt when anyone doesn't seem to like them a lot. Some are by nature pessimistic, others are always optimistic - and they often drive each other crazy!

Among Christian people, there are some for whom being a sinner is not merely an adjective, but a description of what's "normal" for them. For other Christians being a saint is more than an adjective and describes what's "normal" for them. And the two types are very suspicious of each other!

I'm just wondering today about how normal "normal" really is. I'm pretty convinced that my "normal" isn't yours, and yours isn't mine. If we were somehow able to average out "normal" for all people, would that even be normal?

What if We Found a New "Normal"?

What if I consider my inner loneliness to be abnormal? What if I consider my inner anxiety to be abnormal? What if I consider my inner desperation for recognition to be abnormal? What if I consider my incessant optimism/pessimism to be abnormal? What if I decide my inner life, as a believer in Christ whose mind has been transformed and renewed (Romans 12:2), is not supposed to work like the mind I grew up with?

It's no secret that the word translated "repent" in the New Testament (μετάνοια, metanoia), means to change one's mind--perhaps better: to change the way we think. Jesus said that our behavior comes out of our hearts (our inner being, which includes our thought-life). If we change the way we think, if we can change our inner "normal" to something more Christ-like, to something that conforms more to the Holy Spirit within us, and less to our "normal" (see Romans 8:5), our entire lives will change from the inside out.

If I think I'm "normal," I don't think I need to change. Right? However, if we define "normal" as having the mind of Christ (1Corinthians 2:16), then we need to check how our way of thinking lines up with how Christ thinks. We have to decide that if one of us is different, which one of us needs to change. If Christ's thinking is the new norm, and I don't think like Him, then I'm the abnormal one, and I need to change the way I think.

If we want to know how Jesus thinks, we need to read the Gospels. While I'm not Jesus and don't have the same calling He did (I'm not supposed to die for the sins of the world, for example), I am God's son and have a calling to which I want to be faithful--and so do you, sons and daughters of the Most High! What characterizes Jesus, if not compassion, love, a desire to do the Father's will, much time in prayer, an uncompromising approach to false religion, patience with sinners and other "outsiders," a commitment to fulfill His calling, and much, much more.

Jesus was completely confident about who He was: "God's Son in Whom He is well pleased." He knew that nothing could change that. He didn't seek, nor need recognition because He already had His Father's recognition (before His first sermon, or first miracle, we should notice). He didn't seem hurt when others didn't like Him, nor sucked in to become a crowd-pleaser when they did. He was optimistic about humble people, and pessimistic about the powerful. He never denied His pain, nor even His anxiety (a debatable assumption, I'll grant), pouring out sweat like blood in Gethsemane, yet was not controlled by His anxiety as He yielded to His Father completely. He was completely humble (see also Philippians 2:5-8). This paragraph could obviously, go on, and on, and on, and...

Give Me the Mind of Christ

I don't know about you, but I want my thoughts to be more like Christ's thoughts.

Father, I want my innermost thoughts to be more and more like Jesus' innermost thoughts. I want to think more like He thinks. I want what is "normal" in me to be more like what is normal in Jesus.
Change my way of thinking, by the power of your Spirit within me, so that I begin to think your thoughts after You. Give me the mind of Christ. Change my way of thinking so that Your thoughts become my thoughts and Your ways become my ways.
For the glory of Jesus. Amen.