As Obedient Children...

As obedient children do not conform the the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance (1Peter 1:14).
When I was preparing a Bible study on this passage recently the phrase "obedient children" jumped out as significant. It's used as if it were the basis for something, namely: non-conformity to our former way of life. So, in trying to formulate an inductive question about that, I thought about alternatives to "obedient children," like "[merely] compliant children," or  "slave children."
Obedience is qualitatively different that both compliance and slavery - which is to say nothing about what it is to be God's children.

[Merely] Compliant Children

How does the obedient child differ from the merely compliant child?

Some of us in reading the phrase "obedient children" immediately think of compliance: "doing what is expected of us."

The merely compliant child does what he or she is told. She complies, but only because it's the only way to get approval. He complies, but only because he's to afraid not to. Compliant children usually have a underdeveloped sense of self: they don't know very well who they are or even what they think. They've discovered that conformity keeps them out of trouble, and sometimes wins them some points with their parents and other authority figures in their lives. They go along with what these people want because they are powerless not to.

The [merely] compliant child will grow up and eventually leave the dominance of their parents. Too often they "go wild." They go wild because they never really were obedient; they never heard and took in the values of their parents, or learned to value their way of life. They did what they did because it was expected, nothing more. Now, without those (external) expectations in place, there is no rule to live by. They simply find other people to go along with. They are completely untrained in the art of resisting external pressure.

Whey they leave the nest they look like rebellious children, but they really haven't changed anything except who they are choosing to conform to. In fact, they are doing exactly what their childhood prepared them for: complying with the dominant forces around them (often their peers).

Maybe you've had children like this. Maybe you were one, or still are!

Compliance is counterfeit obedience. It looks like obedience, but it's not. It's more like a dirt-clod with a thin, superficial gold plating: pretty on the outside, but lacking much genuine value, and ready to crumble under the slightest pressure.

Slave Children

I think the more interesting question is: how does the obedient child differ from the slave child?

My guess is that when many of us encountered the phrase "obedient children" in the verse above we thought about something like this: "obedience means we have no choice."

When I think of slave children, the first thing I think about are children that aren't actually in the family; they are owned by the family. They are always the outsiders looking in, even if they are treated well. They exist only for the sake of those who own them, and they're main hope is that their owners are benevolent. Slaves are profoundly powerless: they don't even own themselves.

The slave child differs from the compliant child in that the slave child knows that the moment they fail to comply they could be sold to someone else. Fear of exclusion is a constant threat.

But the slave child differs from the compliant child in another way: the slave child may actually want to do what their owner asks. They may relish the opportunity to serve their master and even appreciate their master's benevolence and kindness. They may even love their master and consider it an honor to be a slave to such a person.

But they're still slaves. They are owned. They belong to the family, but they do not belong in the family. At the end of the day, they return to their slave quarters, while the family spends time together as a family.

Obedient Children

How does an obedient child differ from a merely compliant child, or a slave child?

It's interesting that in both English and Greek (ὑπακοή) the etymology (derivation) of obedient means "to hear" or "to listen." In Acts 12:13, the verb form of this word is translated "answer" ("Rhoda came to answer the door") in response to Peter's knocking on it (you may know the story). In other words, to obey is to respond to something we hear.

Obedience vs. Compliance

Whereas the compliant child responds in a merely external way, the obedient child hears the parent's heart (not just the parent's words) and responds from their heart. The Pharissees, as depicted in the Gospels, tended to be highly compliant, but Jesus referred to them as whitewashed tombs (Matthew 23:27), pretty on the outside, but full of decay on the inside.

What God wants is our hearts, not merely our compliance. This is what God has always wanted (see, for example, Deuteronomy 6:5). The merely compliant child of God appears to do what God wants, but their hearts remain untouched by God's goodness. Sadly, it's not even possible to comply with what God wants of us unless our hearts are changed. We can't really love people, if all we can manage is to do things for them, and not do other things against them. That's not love, is it. Love means valuing people, honoring them in our hearts, genuinely desiring what will be good for them.

This is why mere compliance is counterfeit obedience.

Obedience vs. Slavery

Whereas the slave child responds to their master's words, because he/she is the master, the obedient child responds as a member of the family. The religious authorities in Jesus day tried to kill Him (in part) because He called God His own Father (John 5:18). What some call "the religious spirit" or the "spirit of religion" is simply slavery in disguise: we must do things for God so that He will be pleased, or at least so He won't punish us.

Only a child in the family can listen to a father as a child listens to a father. A slave child listens to the father of the family kind of like the way an employee listens the boss. A child in a family does not stop being a child of the family through disobedience, though a disobedient slave might be sold at any time.

As believers in Jesus we have a right to a seat at the table (John 1:12). Let's be clear that this right is given to us by grace, but it is no less our right - even more so because it is given to us by grace! I am a child of God. This is not a metaphor for a relational dynamic (one metaphor among many). This is the actual nature of my relationship with God, and He with me. Children of God doesn't merely describe us, it "is what we are" (1John 3:1).

The obedient child is first of all a child of God. That's even true in the grammar of the verse: "child" is the noun; "obedient" is the adjective (modifier). So we're not childlike obeyers, but obedient children. As children, we're in a family (that's what it means to be born again: we're born into God's family). As members of the family, we listen to each other and we especially listen to our Father.

Seeing ourselves as slaves denies the truth that God is Our Father in Heaven...

Listening vs. Hearing

Listening is more than merely hearing, isn't it. I can hear you talk, or you can hear me talk and still not listen to what each other is saying. Sometimes it's because we're not paying attention. Sometimes it's because we're not sure what the other person means. To listen to someone--to really listen--usually involves dialog. "What do you mean by that?" is a great question to ask someone you're talking with. Sometimes I'll say "I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say." We don't always hear well and often need to probe what other people are trying to say.

In listening to God, it's sometimes necessary for us to engage God in a dialog. "What do you mean by 'love my enemies'? Which enemies, and how are you wanting me to love them?" We are doing this right now exploring these two words from 1Peter 1:14 "obedient children." At least I'm asking God about this and reporting my dialog here, so that you're now dialoguing with me.

If we don't first listen, if we only hear, we may comply with the letter of the law, but not the spirit of it. We can end up (as many do) condemning the sinner along with the sin (just one example). When my kids were younger, and I asked them to do something, if they asked me to explain what I meant, I wasn't usually annoyed by the question, I welcomed it. (If I was annoyed, it was mostly likely my problem, not theirs.) It told me they wanted to do what I wanted, but also wanted to make sure they knew what it was that I wanted. I don't suspect that God is less patient than I am! Plus He's never has a bad day that He takes out on us!

To obey then means first to listen, which often includes dialog (talking together). Obedience is the follow through to listening. Having heard, we respond and do what we're asked. We don't do it to be accepted, or to be loved, since we already are! We do it because we want to please our loving Father; because we want to make our brothers and sisters happy; because we want to make a meaningful contribution in this family that we belong to.

The obedient child does not conform to what they wanted to do when they lived in ignorance (1Peter 1:14). The opposite of being a child (in this verse) is living in ignorance. Ignorance here does not mean lack of information, it means a lack of encounter "Ignorance" (ἄγνοια - agnoia) is related to the word gnosis (γνῶσις), which means knowledge gained by personal experience/enounter (the Spanish word "conocer" is derived from this word). In other words, we conform to evil desires when, we lack an experience of God. Having had that experience we might still conform (hence the instruction not to do so!), but we resist that conformity based on who we are now (children who are now listening and responding to their Father).

I hope this makes sense and provokes some thinking in you. Even more, I hope that these thoughts drive you to another conversation with God the Father, as one of His beloved children.

By the way, obedience isn't the only thing He's interested in--it's not even the most important thing.